Time To Stop Suckling
Dear Prudence on a woman who breast-feeds her 5-year-old in public—and other questions in a live chat at Washingtonpost.com.
Emily Yoffe, aka Dear Prudence, is on Washingtonpost.com weekly to chat live with readers. An edited transcript of this week's chat is below. (Sign up here to get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week. Read Prudie's Slate columns here. Send questions to Prudence atprudence@slate.com.)
Emily Yoffe: I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and you're all still talking to your relatives. I had so much sauerkraut — it was a great day.
Breastfeeding a Big Kid: Four months ago my brother got married to a woman who has a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship. Since they had a private ceremony, we did not meet his new wife and stepson until Dad's 80th birthday, when they flew over to see us. Things were going well until my new nephew walked over to where the adults were eating dessert and told my SIL that he was thirsty. She whipped out her breast at the dining table and proceeded to breastfeed her son. Although nobody said anything, she sensed we were shocked and casually explained her son had allergies and this was the only healthy milk option for him. Since our mom is not around, my other brothers and Dad are urging me to intervene. My brother, the one who married her, does not seem to care much. Should I say anything to her? How do I start such a conversation?
A: I'm trying to imagine the shiver that might go through your entire family if your brother ever hosts a brunch at his home and his new wife passes around the cream for the coffee. At the risk of bringing down the wrath of La Leche League, 5 years old is way too old to still be on mommy's breast. By the time the kid can say, "Mom, you've been eating too much garlic and it's upsetting my stomach," you know it's time to throw away the nursing bra. Showing too much cleavage to your new husband's family would be ill-advised the first time you all met. Lactating at the dessert table takes inappropriate to a new level. You say your brother "does not seem to care much" about this, which doesn't make clear what kind of conversation you've had with him. You need to say, "Bro, we're so happy you've found Fiona. We're sorry her son has food allergies, but we need to let you know we all have a dairy allergy. That is, we'd appreciate if you'd ask her to breast feed in private." If he won't take action, then at the next gathering, as she starts to unbutton, all of you should feel free to stampede away from the table. Let's hope for her son's sake she finds him a milk substitute. It would be bad for him socially if she had to come and give him nourishment to get him through his SATs.
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